How could anyone not love this kid? Ok, well if he was a Yankee, I would passionately hate his guts. He's small (5'7" actually), he's not fast (7 SB's), he has moderate range in the field and doesn't kick the ball around. The kid has minimal power and generally sticks to singles and the occasional double. But he is a royal pain in the ass if you are facing him. He walks. He doesn't strike out. He hustles and he gives enough shit for him and JD. The best part about the little bugger? (Other than the bat flip following his 7th inning homer off the previously untouchable, yet totally overworked former steroid abuser Rafael Betancourt) Dusty thinks every pitcher he faces is junk. Whether its Sean Henn or Johan Santana, it's all junk.
"What? You struck me out? That's because im fucking lazy...Bitch! I have your ass on my fantasy team and I needed the extra strikeout. We're fucking bending you douchebags over anyways so who cares? I sure don't give a fuck about you because your stuff is shit...Asshole."
"Anyways, so we're playing the Rockies now for the right to be the King of the Fucking World...Bitch! But seriously though, the Rockies? They are a bunch of fucking mountains. I could run up a fucking mountain if I wanted to...but I don't, so fuck you. I'm Dustin mothafuckin' Pedroia. Nobody has shit on me. I'm the best fucking player in baseball...the Rockies my ass. I'll singlehandedly fuck them up back to 1996. Maybe I'll let my boy Papi have a few swings, but these fuckers are mine. I don't even need help, I'm only offering a free shot at these pussies to my boy Papi 'cause he's fucking huge. And Manny is my boy too. The guy is a fucking nutjob. One time we hot-boxed his Escalade before a game. When we got to the stadium we both ate like 15 chicken parm subs from Vinnie's and then hit fucking homers in BP with Dougie. But fuck you, I'm the fucking chillest motherfucker on the whole fucking team. Fuck that, the league. Fuck that, the whole fucking world."
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